The Xmen go to ffnet
by Mod Fae
Summary: Exactly what the title says...They go to ff.net and read fics about them selves...note: This is a PARODY people!
1. Kurt's chapter

Author's Note: Hey! I'm starting a new fic! (Even though you should be working on your others...) It's about the X-men reading fanfiction of themselves...spiffy!

Disclaimer: I do not own X-men...I do not own X-men...I DO NOT OWN X-MEN!@1!!!1

It was a perfectly BORING day at the Insitute. There was absolutly NOTHING interesting going on. And no one DARED ask any of the adults what they could do because Logan would sudjest a Danger Room session.

So since he was bored, Kurt went online to Bored.com to look for something interesting to do. He scrolled down a bit finding nothing interesting when something caught his eye.

"_'Fan Fiction - Read stories written by fans of your favorite TV shows (Buffy, Dawson's Creek, X-Files, Friends, Xena...), movies (Star Wars, Matrix, Titanic...), music groups (Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC...), comics (Batman, X-Men...) , books (Harry Potter, Anne Rice, Animorphs...), video games (Pokemon, Myst, Zelda...), and more._' Wow! People wrote STORIES about the X-men?!? I'm forwarding this link to everyone in my address book, then I'm checking it out."

So Kurt opened a new window and forwarded the link to everyone in his address book, closed that window and then clicked on the link to Fanfiction.net.

"Now to find a story all about me."

He opened 'Search' and typed in 'Kurt' then from the drop down box picked 'Story by summary' then choose the fandom "X-men: Evolution".

"This look interesting...Not very good title though..."

He clicked on a story called "teh day teh new muatnt cam" and began to read.

_Oance__ tehre was this BEUATIFUL gurl. but she had a probllm. she was a muant. she also was furry and red. once day a man nasmed xavar cam 2 her hose with otehr people._

_"I am Xavar." said xavar,_

_"that is good." said the gurl whos name is penolope._

_"You come with us?"_

_"I pack first,"_

_seh_ packed. then left. when seh got there she met kurt. __

_"oh my gosd you look like me."_

_"I know" said penolpe._

_"I love you." kurt kissed her. penolpe kissed him. _

_"We are ment for each other." _

_"Yes we are." said kurt._

_Mestgicick__ cam in.___

_"Oh my god!__ Penolpe. u r my lost dahter."_

_"Oh no.__ But i love kurt."_

_"Tahts ok you cans alope.."_

_so__ tehy did. teh end!!11_

Kurt blinked several times not believing what he read.

"That was...wrong..."

He shut off the computer still trying to make sense out of that story.

"Who's Mestgicick anyways? Wait..maybe she ment Mystique...Wait...that would make Penelope my...SISTER..."

~Later at dinner~

"So how was everyone's day?" Asked the Professor.

"Fine..." came a chorus of responses from his students.

"Um...Professer..." Kurt said a little unsure.

"Yes, Kurt?" asked the Professor.

"Do you have my mom's phone number?" Kurt blurt out quickly.

Everyone at the table blinked.

"Um...no..."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Kurt I am quite sure."

"Really? You're not keeping it from me are you?"

"No Kurt I am not."

"Well If you ever get it, let me know..."

"You'll be the first to know."

"Good." Kurt replied some-what satisfied as he finished his dinner...

~After Dinner~

"Hello 411? Yeah I'd like a number for Mys-Raven Darkholme. Yes I'll hold." Kurt sat on his bed with the phone. He wasn't about to give up yet.

"Hello are you still there sir?"

"Yes."

"There is one Raven Darkholme in San Diego, California-" 

"Oh good what's the number?" 

"I was just getting to that sir. the number is 619-555-6832 would you like us to conect you?"

"That would be good."

"I'll conect you now."

Ringing replaced the operator's voice.

"Pick up..."

"Hello?" Mystique's voice came on the phone.

"Hi...um..mo-Mystique?"

"WHO IS THIS?"

"This is Kurt...Um...You don't have a daughter by the name of Penelope do you?"

"OF course I do NOT! I mean the name alone is an insult!"

Kurt let out a sigh of relief.

"Ok good."

"Why are you calling me and asking me strange questions and WHERE did you get my number?"

"One, I'm calling because I read a distubing story on fanfiction.net where I fell in love with this girl that was red and furry and she was my sister so we aloped. Two, I called 411."

"Damn the phone company! I SPICIFICALY told them I wanted an un-listed phone number..." 

"Ok well bye."

"Good-bye. Forget this number! Or I'll...ground you!"

"Ok..." Kurt hung up then laughed.

 "How's she going to ground me?" he quickly wrote done her number in his address book and went to bed.


	2. Kitty's chapter

Authors Note: I fixed the first chapter…Now onto the next one!

Disclaimer: Bumps for Fuzzle! W00t w00t!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Kitty opened up her inbox to check her mail as usual.

"Like, what does Kurt want NOW?"

She opened up the e-mail to find only a link. She shrugged and opened the link.

"Oooooooh…Fandom's!"

She surfed around looking at all the fandom's when one caught her eye (dun dun dun).

"X-men: Evolution? Like, totally awesome!" 

She looked down a list of stories when one caught her eye, 'Kitty's secret lover'. Of course she opened it and read. It was a pretty good story but it still hadn't said who Kitty's secret lover was. It wasn't in till the last chapter that it revealed her 'secret lover'.

_The X-men battled the Brotherhood just like always when something happened. Scott blasted a pipe by accident and it came tumbling down on Kitty. Pietro speed towards Kitty and saved her just before she was smashed._

_"Like, why did you, like, totally, like, do that?"_

_"BecauseIloveyou."_

_"Like, me too!"_

_They kissed._

"Ew! Like PIETRO?!?! GROSS! EW!" 

Kitty closed the window not bothering to read the rest of the story. 

"That was, totally, like, GROSS!"

She shut down her computer.

"Who in their, like, right mind would, like, put me and Pietro together? That's like so sick! And wrong!"

~Later that night~

"And then, like, we kissed! Isn't that, like, so gross?" Kitty retold her story to Rogue.

"Yes Kitty and it was gross the last ten times. Now it's getting old." Rogue replied rolling her eyes.

"Well, like, you could have TOLD me you, like, didn't care!" Kitty turned on her heel and stomped out of the room.

"I DID!" Rogue yelled after her.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Kitty rebooted her computer and went to her e-mail inbox and started to write a letter to Lance.

_Dear Lance,_

_Please pass this message to Pietro:_

_KEEP THE HECK AWAY FROM ME!_

_Thanks Lance. Call me ok?_

_~Kitty~_

She then went about her business happy again. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Alright time to answer my fan mail!

Dark Jaded Rose: Yes I am…I'm also not only going to do the X-men but Brotherhood and Acolytes as well.

wildcats1310: Well…I put up html but it didn't work…so um…yeah it's fixed now!

Storm-Pietro: No it shouldn't be because I am writing more than one chapter!


	3. Rogue's Chapter

Author's note: WHOA! I had so many reviews when I checked my e-mail today! I'm so happy you all love it! As you've probably noticed I am not bothering with accents in this story. Much as I love them…It just take to much time…

Disclaimer: Everybody to the limit! The Cheat is to the limit! 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The next day Kitty kept telling Rogue about the story.

"Would you stop telling me the story if I went and saw it for myself?"

"Well, like, I guess so…like, here's the URL."

Kitty handed Rogue a piece of paper with 'www.fanfiction.net' written on it. So Rogue got on Kitty's computer and went there. Nothing really caught her attention. She ignored the entire Rogue/whoever stories. Finally she found one that didn't look to bad so she opened 'Rouge the all powerful'

_'Rouge was the Goth. She hated everything. _("No I don't…")_ One day Kitty really got one her nerves so she grabbed her arm with her bare hands. "Like, oh my god! I like think I will die." And she did. Rouge then went downstairs. The Proffeser was sitting in his wheelchair. _("REALLY? Wow…It's not like he doesn't sit in it ALL THE TIME") _"Rouge you are angry." "Yes ah am. What are ya gonna do bout it sugah?" "I shall probe your mind." "No you won't!" Rouge grabbed the proffeser's wrist and held on till he died. Jean watched her do this. "Rouge! You are so gothy!" "Yeah I am! And I hate you prep!" Rouge killed Jean too. Scott saw this. "You're just jealous!" "Yeah…jealous that she gets all the good clothes!" "No I mean you are jealous of her and me." "In your dreams!" Rouge killed Scott. Bobby saw this. "I know you didn't want anyone trying to get you when you love me huh?" "Who says I love you, ice breath?" Rouge killed Bobby. Storm saw this. "Oh honey! You are so gothy! Please let me help you!" "Fat canse!" Rouge killed Storm.  Amara saw this. "I love you Rouge!" "Up yours!" Rouge killed Amara. __Logan__ saw this. "Rouge they are all liars! *I* REALLY love you!" "Yeah…And I love dead people!" Rouge killed __Logan__. Rouge killed everyone except Kurt because Kurt was on a date with Amanda. Kurt came in and saw the dead people. "Oh nov! Vho killed everyone?" "Ah did." "Rouge?" "Yes." "Vhy?" "Because I love you." "I love you too." They kiss then go to __Las Vegas__ in the X-jet and get married and have four kids. The End.'_

"What? That's stupid! I mean I can't even touch Kurt so how could I have FOUR KIDS?!?"

Rogue got off the computer.

"So, like, what did you read?" Kitty asked Rogue.

"I had four kids with Kurt and I killed everyone."

"Well AT LEAST you didn't like someone like PIETRO!!!"

"Yeah Kitty…Liking Pietro is NOTHING compared to killing everyone and marrying Kurt and having four kids."

"That's right!"

Rogue rolled her eyes and left the room. And went into the bathroom, she looked at her reflection in the mirror.

"Do I really give off the impression that I hate everything and that I am the sort of person that would kill everyone? …Not really…But maybe I can ease up on all the gothy-ness…Just a little though…Not TOO much." 

She took off her lipstick so that they were a normal pink color. 

"That's enough…For now…"

~That night in the Danger Room~

They had a simulation where they were fighting the Brotherhood. Kitty stayed away from simulation Pietro while Kurt and Rogue stayed away from each other. It went pretty well except for people staying away from each other. 

After the session Logan gathered them together and started a lecture. 

"I don't know what three of your problems are…I'm not going to say any names but- Kurt and Rogue you need to stop trying to avoid each other! And Kitty you could have taken down Simulation Pietro but you ran away! What is you three's problem?"

Kurt, Rogue and Kitty just muttered something and looked different ways. Kurt looked at the ceiling, Rogue looked at her shoes and Kitty examined her nails. Logan growled.

"Alright all three of you! In the Danger Room for another session."

So all three of them walked back in the Danger Room for another session.

~After the Danger Room~

"Like, that was so unfair!" Kitty complained to Rogue back in their room.

"Yeah well, what are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know yet."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Yay! Another chapter! Thanks so much for all your reviews! And ideas!

Most of you want to see Evan read an Evan/Pietro fic…Well he's actually going to read something different and more EVIL!!!!1! Mostly I have this all planed out but suggestions are much welcome!

I'm not going to answer people today…To tired…I had a kidnap breakfast today…


	4. Evan's Chapter that is eviler than ever

Authors Note: Well everyone…it's the one you've all been asking about…and giving suggestions for…EVAN!!!1!!!....yeah….you know…I should like do a chapter where no one reads and it's just reactions and…crap…yeah…maybe….next one…

Disclaimer:  I should only put this on the front page…so this is the last chapter with a disclaimer…*fake tear*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Evan came home from skating with his skatin' buddies and turned on one of the computers that are free for everyone in the institute to use…like a library! He opened up AOL and checked his mail. 

"Awww man Kurt, another forward?"

Besides his complaint Evan opened the e-mail and read it.

"Hey maybe this site will be as good as that other one Kurt sent me….what as it called? Ooh yeah Homestarrunner.com!"

Evan went to fanfiction.net and found a story to read. 

"'Evan and his lover chick' cool, dude, man, ROCK ON!"

So he opened it and read.

'_Evan came home and said to his aunt: "Ooh Auntie Aroaro I love you…not like family crap…like…I wanna get nasty with ya!"_

_"Evan I too feel the same way. Let's make out!"_

_"Right-o Bucko!"_

_So they mad out groping each other like crazy. But then __Logan__ came in with fire in his eyes._

_"You soooooooooo did not touch my secret lover!" __Logan_ yelled at Evan in a fury.__

_"Oh but I soooo did!"_

_"Please don't fight! There's room in my heart for both of you." Pleaded Storm._

_"Too late for that!" __Logan__ growled as he sliced Evan into pieces._

_"Ooh __Logan__ how could you?"_

_"No one gets in the way of me and my woman!"_

_Logan__ and Storm made out.'_

Evan screamed and screamed and didn't stop till Storm came in.

"Evan, honey what's the matter?"

Evan looked up at Storm eyes wide with fear. "STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!!!" He made a cross with his fingers as he ran away. Storm stood back wondering at his behavior. Then Storm looked at the computer screen. It was on the home page of fanfiction.net. She wrote down the address on a scrap piece of paper and took it too Professor X for advise.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Evan and Kurt where chilling in Kurt's bedroom.

"Man I can't believe you sent me that site! It was so WRONG!!!!"

"Yeah I know…"

"I mean you where with you 'long-lost sister' but I was with a REAL person! And my Aunt at that!"

"Yeah I guess that is a bit worse than mine."

"You bet its worse. I mean it was really wrong."

"I wonder if anyone else might have gone there…."

"I know some other people have been there! I heard Kitty and Rogue talking about it!"

"Really? Maybe we should talk to Kitty!"

"Why Kitty? Why not both of the- OOOOOHHH! I get it! You're un-comfortable with the whole you and her being brother and sister."

Kurt nodded.

"Ok…well I'll talk with Rogue you talk with Kitty and we'll compare notes!  Alright?"

"Yeah that sounds good!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Well there it is folks…what do you think? Eviler than an Evatro? 

Cheesy Monkey: Thanks! Kurt's chapter is my favorite too…along with Kitty's

wildcats1310: Hmmm…I'll get to Pyro…I'm planning on EVERYONE going there so he'll be there sooner…or later.

SperryDee: Are you a mind reader? *gasp* I was thinking of a slash fic for Scott! But with whom you'll have to wait and seeeeeeeee… muwahaha

Alright people now go forth and review and ADVERTISE, ADVERTISE, ADVERTISE!

_  
  
_


	5. Nobody's chapter! just random things

Author's note: Well glad to see people approved of Evan's chapter now for a chapter that not dedicated to anyone….

*~*~*~*~*~*~*         

The X-men were sitting around the breakfast table eating and chatting among themselves. Professor X rolled in and cleared his throat to get everyone's attention. Everyone looked up from what they were doing.

"Everyone I would like you to welcome the new recruit…Penelope!"

A girl who looked like Kurt only that she was female and had red fur walked in. Everyone jumped up to greet her, except one person. Penelope grinned from ear to ear then saw Kurt. She walked over to him (trying very much to shack her butt more than necessary)

"Hello Kurt…I'm your sister and your long-lost love! Why don't you come over here so we can make-out?"

Just then Mystique walked in with her arm around Logan. Storm started a lightning storm while kissing Evan. Logan got mad and started slicing up thing. Mystique was talking on a cell phone.

"Yes My son and daughter wish to be married tomorrow…yes white roses…Oh and chocolate cake with sprinkles…yes marshmallows in the punch!"

Penelope wrapped her arms around Kurt and sighed.

"Oh I'm so happy! And just think! Soon we'll have children! Which will also be our nieces and nephews!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Kurt woke up screaming at the top of his lungs. He tired to reassure himself it was a dream. It was just a dream. But it seemed so real! He could almost taste the bacon he had been eating.

"Ok, Kurt. Just calm down. Breath. Remember it was just a dream! Just keep saying that! It was JUST a dream…a really scary almost real dream…"

Kurt sat up and looked at the clock; it was only 5:30.

"Oh well, nothing like an early start…I'm definitely not going back to sleep tonight!"

Kurt got up out of bed and got ready for the day.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Professor X got up Kurt was already up and in the living room watching T.V.

"Good morning Kurt. I hope you slept well."

Kurt twitched slightly.

"Oh yes Professor! Wonderful!"

Professor X raised an eyebrow.

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yep everything's hunky dory!"

The Professor gave Kurt the eye and wheeled into the kitchen for breakfast. Kurt went upstairs to get ready for school.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Everyone was at the breakfast table when Kurt came back downstairs backpack in hand.

"Like, what's your hurry Kurt?" Kitty asked when Kurt walked in.

"Oh nothing…I just got up early and had nothing better to do." Kurt replied.

"Okay…" Kitty looked a little skeptical.

Kurt sat down at the table and ate a second breakfast. 

"Kurt slow down a little! You don't want heart-burn!" Storm told Kurt in a kind of mother-like voice.

"I don't get heart-burn!" Kurt replied not slowing down.

Storm sighed and shook her head as she took her plate to the sink.

"Evan, honey don't forget about your dentist appointmen-" Storm turned around to find Evan gone.

"I don't know what's gotten into him!" She sighed as she cleaned up his plate.

"Don't worry Storm I'm sure he'll get over it!" Kurt said as he teleported out.

*~*~*~*~*

The Professor was in his study/office room reading Lord of The Rings when someone knocked on his study/office door.

"Yes, Storm? You can come in."

Storm opened the door and walked in.

"Professor…I'm worried about Evan…"

"Ah, I see…"

"Yes, He's been acting so strange!"

"Do you have any idea what may be causing this strange behavior?"

"Not very…But he was at this website when I first noticed he was acting strange." Storm handed Professor X the piece of paper with 'www.fanfiction.net' written on it. The Professor took the paper and nodded.

"I'll look into it."

"Thank you Professor!"

Storm left feeling better knowing the Professor was taking care of things.

*~*~*~*~*~*

And now for a word with our sponsors…

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End file.
